The “Oops, We Left the Slot Machines On” Era: Brussels Finally Noticed Infinite Scrolling

In a move that screams “better late than never—but mostly just late,” EU regulators have finally turned their squinting eyes toward the hypnotic, thumb-numbing abyss known as infinite scrolling. According to a recent Politico report, Brussels is weighing up a ban on the very features designed to keep us doomscrolling until our retinas burn and our dinner goes cold.

It’s an admirable sentiment, really. It’s just a shame that the legislative cavalry is arriving on the scene approximately ten years after the fort has been burned to the ground, the horses have been stolen, and the survivors have developed permanent carpal tunnel syndrome.

A Decade of "Just Five More Minutes"

Legislators are acting as if the addictive nature of short-form video and bottomless feeds is a shocking new discovery. In reality, the "Slot Machine" mechanic of social media was apparent over a decade ago. While Silicon Valley was busy hiring neurologists to figure out exactly how much dopamine a "Like" button could trigger, our regulators were apparently busy debating the standardized curvature of bananas. Had they looked up from their paperwork in 2014, they might have noticed an entire generation beginning to vibrate with anxiety if they weren't refreshed by a vertical swipe every twelve seconds.

The Silent Accomplice: Parenting via iPad

While we love to point the finger at the suits in Brussels or the tech bros in Palo Alto, there’s an uncomfortable truth sitting right next to us on the sofa—usually staring at a tablet. As citizens, we haven’t exactly been the "resistance." In fact, many of us signed the peace treaty the moment we realized that a YouTube Shorts marathon or a six-hour stint on Roblox provided the kind of peace and quiet that traditional parenting simply couldn't.

The nursery rhymes of our youth have been replaced by the "CoComelon" industrial complex and the inescapable siren song of "Baby Shark." We've stood by as our kids binge-watch toy unboxing videos—the digital equivalent of watching someone else open Christmas presents to trigger a "variable reward" loop. They aren't just watching; they are being neurologically groomed by the neon-soaked chaos of Skibidi Toilet and the frenetic, high-decibel energy of Shin Sonic.

These videos are designed with "fast-paced fantasy" frames that switch every few seconds, a technique proven by researchers at the University of Virginia to impair executive function and self-regulation in children after just nine minutes of viewing. It turns out "Go play outside" was replaced by "Here, watch this Roblox obby," and we are the ones who handed over the password.

Adult Brainrot: The "Glass House" Problem

Lest we get too high and mighty about the kids watching a singing toilet, let’s look at what the adults are doing. While the children are getting "Shin Sonic" brainrot, the parents are locked in their own adult-sized versions of the same cage.

We might call it "staying informed" or "decompressing," but the algorithm knows better. For every toddler watching a slime-mixing video, there is an adult watching restoration videos of rusty 1920s lighters, hypnotic pressure washing, or endless "Life Hack" clips that show you ten ways to use a zip tie that you will never, ever use.

We’ve swapped the newspaper for "rage-bait" political commentary and "yap videos" where people speak at 1.5x speed about drama between people they’ve never met. We spend hours on "organized fridge" restocks and "day in the life" vlogs of strangers whose only talent is having a cleaner kitchen than ours. It’s the same drug, just packaged in a more "mature" matte-finish bottle. We aren't parenting; we're just co-habitating with our fellow addicts.

The Pharmaceutical Comparison: Too Little, Too Late

Focusing on infinite scrolling now, after an entire generation has already had their attention spans liquidated, is a masterclass in retrospective governance. It is the legislative equivalent of banning a hard drug only after the entire population has already developed a three-gram-a-day habit.

We’ve seen this movie before, usually in the pharmacy. Take Tramadol, for instance. It was the "safe" alternative for years in the UK until the authorities realized half the country was hooked and promptly slapped a "controlled drug" label on it. Or look at Diazepam (Valium), which was handed out like breath mints in the '60s as "Mother’s Little Helper." It wasn't until the black market started doing brisk business and the withdrawal symptoms became a public health crisis that the regulators decided to check the side effects.

Brussels is now treating TikTok and Instagram with the same "sudden" realization. "Oh heavens," they cry, "this platform designed to be addictive is... addictive!"

The Cure or the Funeral?

Banning infinite scrolling in 2026 is like telling a man who has lived in a basement for ten years that he’s finally allowed to see the sun, but only through a very small, regulated window. The neurological pathways have already been paved; the dopamine receptors have been fried to a crisp.

If the EU truly wants to protect our brains, perhaps they should start looking at whatever the next digital narcotic is—because by the time they regulate the scroll, we’ll probably all be addicted to AI-generated holograms of kittens, and the cycle will begin all over again.

References

Lillard, A. S., & Peterson, J. (2011). The immediate impact of different types of television on young children's executive function. Pediatrics. (Study showing 9 minutes of fast-paced cartoons impairs executive function).
Montag, C., et al. (2019). Addictive features of social media/messenger platforms and freemium games against the background of psychological and economic theories. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. (Analysis of infinite scrolling and variable reward schedules).
Turel, O., et al. (2014). Examination of neural systems sub-serving Facebook "addiction". Psychological Reports. (Neuroimaging evidence of social media triggering reward systems similar to substance abuse).
Asif, M., & Kazi, A. S. (2024). The Impact of Short-Form Videos on Some Cognitive Abilities. International Journal of Academic Research in Progressive Education and Development. (Research on short-form video impact on attention spans).
Original Report: https://www.politico.eu/article/tiktok-meta-facebook-instagram-brussels-kill-infinite-scrolling/